


in the future i might need myself a savior

by sadonsundays



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst, Barebacking, But only for Carrillo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Pena has a heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 14:42:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17003610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadonsundays/pseuds/sadonsundays
Summary: “You’re probably bad for me, Javier.”Pena laughed. It wasn’t like it was the first time someone told him that.





	in the future i might need myself a savior

**Author's Note:**

> title by james vincent mcmorrow

They don’t have much time. They never do these days.

Steve’s expecting him back at the precinct and Carrillo’s family will want him home for dinner. He gives so much of himself to service that he rarely gets to enjoy why he serves in the first place.

Pena used to feel bad about what they did behind closed doors but he can’t anymore, not when sudden death is as likely as the sun rising the next morning. 

He wishes he were more optimistic but this line of work demands realism above all else. 

“Stop thinking,” Carrillo scolds, nipping at his neck, “we don’t have long.”

They’re in Pena’s apartment, trying to stay quiet since Connie’s home. No one knows about Pena’s affair with Columbia’s most dangerous officer and he plans to keep it that way. It’s a liability. It’s private. It’s incredibly stupid.

If Steve knew he’d skin them both alive. 

“Sorry,” Pena pants, “I know, come here—“

He pulls Carrillo to him, both of them sweaty and shirtless in the fading light of the afternoon sun. On the rare occasion they actually get to fuck they never get to do it in a bed. 

But goddammit they will today. 

They tumble atop Pena’s scattered gray sheets, laughing and kissing and enjoying their shared embrace. 

“I want to take you,” Carrillo whispers against his temple, moving down to nip along his jaw line.

Pena arches his hips, in a rush to take off his dust covered jeans. 

“Yeah?”

“Yes Javier,” he whispers, kissing him fully and deeply right on his open mouth as if they were sweethearts. 

Pena shivers.

He doesn’t want to think about hearts right now. 

When they’re both naked, Carrillo fingering him like a genius musician making love to his instrument, Pena wraps his arms around Carrillo’s broad, muscled shoulders, bringing his face down to his level. 

Carrillo’s mouth hovers over his lips, warm breath coming out in small, fragile pants. Pena arches his hips again, muscles in his legs tensing. 

Carrillo’s eyes are the loveliest, darkest shade of brown. 

“I—“ Pena’s voice breaks but he coughs instantly to cover it. Carrillo frowns, bringing a hand to cradle the side of his face.

Pena swallows, trying again.

“I’m ready—“

Carrillo leans down, kissing his forehead as he pushes in a finger particularly deep.

Pena moans low and hurt, turning his head and trying to suppress it in the pillow. “Jesus...”

He spreads his legs as Carrillo moves completely between them, cock hard and red and glistening at the tip.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Carrillo tells him, placing a hand on the middle of his chest, “make you feel me—“

Pena can already feel him. He feels him everywhere— in the alleys of Medellin, on drives through Columbia’s tropic countryside, at night in bed alone, reaching for him. This man makes him so weak. 

Carrillo’s body surges against his, confident and unwavering as their cocks move together as surely as their bodies do in the thick of a raid on Escobar’s sicaros.

“C’mon,” Pena breathes harshly, but it sounds more like a beg. 

“It’s okay,” Carrillo kisses him, gentle and without barriers, “it’s alright, Javier...”

Pena wants to tell him he loves him, that he can’t stand the thought of losing him. As Carrillo stares into his eyes, a look of unwavering depth in his own, Pena knows that he knows. But every time they do this and walk away—

It could be the last time. 

Most people who say that use it as an excuse to make controversial, indulgent decisions. But this is more than some torrid affair. 

Pena was here first. Even before her—

Carrillo is his.

His history, his destiny. 

His beginning. And ultimately his end. 

Whoever leaves first—

Pena kisses him back, tries not to make it so eager and desperate. 

“Javier,” Carrillo mutters, pulling away to lean over him. 

The blunt, damp tip of his cock nudges his entrance—teasing. Pena tenses even though he knows he shouldn’t. Carrillo has himself in hand, pulling back, rubbing a tantalizing path slowly up and down in the valley between Pena’s cheeks. 

He has the biggest smirk on his face. 

Pena positively throbs. 

“Fuckin tease,” he grunts, flopping back on the bed, chin tilted to the ceiling. 

“You want me, agent Pena?”

Pena places his hands on Carrillo’s hips, grips him hard enough that his nails dig into the soft skin. “You know I do.”

Carrillo pushes in, controlled and slow, mouth dropping open, panting quietly. 

“You’re so tight—“

Pena closes his eyes.

“Relax,” Carrillo instructs, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Pena moves his arms above his head, grasping at the wall as he slowly pushes himself down on Carrillo’s cock. A hand comes to his neck, holding it in a loose grip as their skin molds together.

“Look at me Javi,” Carrillo says, so quiet and delicate. 

Pena opens his eyes, his heart in his throat as Carrillo pushes in the last few inches. And even though he’s wet with lube and stretched from Carrillo’s fingers, it hurts. 

It always hurts at first. 

They stare at each other, neither moving while Pena gets used to the feeling. They rarely fuck— mostly only having time for hand jobs, blow jobs, or grinding against the hot hood of a Jeep under the protection of the night sky. 

But the pain is worth it, to be with this man so intimately he trembles—

“Horacio,” Pena murmurs, “please—move—“

Carrillo kisses him, leaving barely any room between their lips as he replies, “I’ll go slow...”

His cock pulses inside Pena’s body, twitching with arousal. 

“We don’t have any time,” Pena half grunts, half whimpers. 

Carrillo gives his first real thrust, putting his entire body into it. 

“Oh fuck,” Pena groans, biting down hard on his lip.

Carrillo’s lips brush against his cheekbone, slightly chapped from the heat of the sun. He mumbles, “We have enough.”

It’s a reassurance, an understanding—his way of telling Pena to let go of whatever may happen once they’re done here. 

“Do you feel me?” Carrillo questions, pulling out slowly then pushing in even slower. 

“Yes,” Pena gasps, hands coming to grasp Carrillo’s broad, muscled shoulders. 

Carrillo thrusts up, pausing.

“You’re so deep,” Pena whines, lifting his legs to rest his feet on the back of Carrillo’s calves, arching his back so high his cock slides deliciously against Carrillo’s abs.

One of Carrillo’s hands slides down warm skin and under, grasping at Pena’s ass as he asks, “You like it when I’m deep?”

Pena whimpers like a newborn pup, sinking his teeth into Carrillo’s plush, pink bottom lip. “Yess—“

Carrillo thrusts in and up, giving him more than a peck or a bite to the lips—a real kiss. Neither of them close their eyes. This feels like the type of kiss Carrillo probably shares with his wife when they’re making love. 

Is it like this? Is he like this with her? Isn’t this making love? 

Pena’s brows furrow, much like they do when Steve’s drinking is getting out of control, or when another one night stand overstays their welcome, or when the Cali Cartel calls for him to come play—

“Stop thinking,” Carrillo whispers, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. 

“Fuck me,” Pena replies, ignoring how panicked his heart feels.

Carrillo’s eyes burn as he speeds up his thrusts, reaching for Pena’s arms and pinning them above his head, rendering him powerless. 

“Yeah, give it to me, I’m not fragile—“

“I can’t read your mind Javi—“

Pena squeezes his eyes shut, bites his lip as Carrillo’s panting mouth rests against his cheekbone.

“I don’t want you to,” Pena moans as Carrillo’s cock rubs against the sensitive nub inside— welcoming him in, making a home inside the warm cavern of his body. 

“Don’t go—“ Pena says suddenly, overcome with some unrestrained emotion, “stay—tonight—“

Carrillo’s hands squeeze his wrists so hard it hurts—but it’s a good hurt. Pena was always into pain. Especially the kind he thinks he deserves.

When they fuck it’s wrong. But it feels so good. 

Every single time. 

“Baby,” Carrillo breathes, pained, “you know I can’t—“

He grunts as he moves, thrusts becoming less controlled the more his cock leaks inside the hot, wet clutch of Pena’s body. 

In a moment of irrational anger, Pena breaks Carrillo’s grip and flips them so fast his head spins as he sits atop him. 

Their positions switched, Pena now pins Carrillo’s arms above his own head, kneeling above his body.

“Then fuck me hard enough I still feel you when you’re gone.” 

Carrillo groans as Pena clenches down on his cock, waiting. Carrillo’s big, strong hands tense in Pena’s hold but they’re nearly matched in strength and size. 

“Do it,” Pena whispers harshly. 

Carrillo’s knees come up, holding Pena steady in his lap. Then he pushes in and Pena moves down, bodies rhythmic in their movements.

“Jesus—“ Carrillo grits, “you trap me like this—then don’t even—“

“What?” Pena spits out before biting down on his neck with bruising force. 

“If you’re gonna fuck me Javi—then ride me like you mean it—“

Pena moves deliberately, hips rotating back and forth, up then down, picking up speed the more desperately he aches between his legs.

He clutches the bedsheets near Carrillo’s head, shielding his body completely as he chases his release. 

“Come inside me,” he whispers, leaning down to press his lips to Carrillo’s chin, licking then biting it.

“Let go of my hands,” he instructs, a drop of sweat trailing down his temple, “then I’ll give you what you need, Javier.”

Pena does as he’s told, releasing his grip.

Carrillo arches up, bending his body to wrap his arms around him as he begins hammering inside Pena’s pink, abused hole.

“Together—“ Carrillo pants, “come on—“

Pena squeezes him, the thought of letting him go killing him a little inside. 

Three words lie on the tip of his tongue, it’d be so easy to tell the man below him—

“Look at me, Javier—“

They lock eyes as Carrillo takes Pena’s cock in his hand, expertly stroking the swollen glans in time with his brutal thrusts. Pena’s toes curl as he seats himself fully down on Carrillo’s cock, gasping. 

Carrillo kisses him as he comes all over their chests— shaking and sensitive and twitching as Carrillo’s cock empties inside him.

“Fuck...” Pena breathes harshly, hugging Carrillo’s sweaty skin. 

They didn’t use a condom. 

They hold on to each other tight as their bodies allow the aftershocks to ride through slowly. The come down is always simultaneously great and awful. 

Pena’s body is already delightfully sore— a reminder later of what they’ve done today. 

But he hates that it’s over. 

Everything in his life is temporary. The only things that seem to have any sense of permanence are his partnership with Steve and his...interactions...with Carrillo. 

And Steve might be leaving soon. Back to the US with Connie. 

And Carrillo might be leaving soon too—he’s already leaving now. 

“Don’t pout, Agent Pena,” Carrillo tells him as he gets up. 

He locates his pants and starts pulling them on. He turns around and cups Pena’s face in the palm of his hand—so tender and adoring. 

Pena breaks from the look, searching for his cigarettes and lighting up immediately once he finds them. 

“Go on then,” he says, blowing smoke, “tell your wife I said hello.”

Carrillo crosses his arms, biceps bulging and mouth-watering. His stare isn’t angry or sad, just blank. 

Which is somehow more terrifying. 

Silence drags on between them, so long Pena almost gets up and drags him back into bed. 

But Carrillo doesn’t say anything. He continues getting dressed, and when he has everything he needs, he walks over to Pena. 

He reaches his hand out, tilting his chin.

Pena hands him the cigarette without a word. 

He watches as Carrillo inhales, watches as his pulse jumps in his neck, watches as his eyelids flutter in a moment of bliss. 

Carrillo doesn’t smoke but he used to. He quit once he started rising in the ranks, saying he needed to keep his body in top shape if he wanted to keep climbing. 

“These are bad for me,” he told Pena one night, “I’m quitting.”

“Oh?” Pena asked, smirk on his face as he blew smoke rings into the hot, humid air. 

“Yes,” he answered, unwavering. 

He paused before continuing. “You’re probably bad for me too, Javier.”

Pena laughed. It wasn’t like it was the first time someone told him that. 

Carrillo stepped up to him, angled his face closer. Eyes serious yet earnest. 

“But I won’t walk from you. Ever. Do you understand?”

Pena stares at him now, watches as smoke billows out of his nostrils. 

“Do you understand, Javier?”

Pena closes his eyes as he reaches for him, bringing their mouths together in a soft kiss. 

“I understand.”

Carrillo will walk away tonight, like he has many times before. 

All that matters is that he always comes back.

**Author's Note:**

> i have rewatched narcos and narcos mexico twice now and i cannot express to you the love i have for these deeply complicated characters. also is it just me or is EVERYONE hot? who handles casting? i'd like to send them a fruit basket. anyway. i hope you enjoyed~


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